Friday 2 January 2015

Telephones and testicles

What is to follow is just as romantic as the title. I promise. We were in our Emergency Medicine rotation at Tambo Memorial Hospital, in GEMP III. It was a regular day, really. Some acute coronary syndromes, an asthma attack here and there and a few lacerations on people who clearly upset other people who owned knives. That's when Mr Chutney (get it? Like in Mrs Balls chutney? Balls being a euphemism here... Anyway.) came walking through the doors.

A wonderful elderly chap who came with a common problem - unilateral testicular swelling. Claudia (my fiancée) saw him, took his history and subsequently examined him. The thing about testicular swellings is that you must ascertain whether it is composed of solid tissue or a fluid substance. The best way to determine this is to shine a light onto the swelling and see if it transilluminates (that is, if the light shines through or not). Problems arose when Claudia realised that she did not own a small torch to do this with.

Being the resourceful medical student that she is she overcame this obstacle by using her smartphone's light. "Careful," she thought, "do not make contact with the scrotum." and had it not been for Mr Chutney's urge to move, she would have achieved her goal. Alas...

Claudia walked up to me and handed her phone to me whilst she washed her hands. She the politely proceeded to tell me what her phone just went through. There I was, all willy nilly with her phone in my ungloved hand. Sure, sounds pretty benign (as it were), but trust me when I say it wasn't.

"Where is he going with this story?", you might be asking yourself. Not only am I looking for moral support here, I would like to give you some advice. Firstly, be prepared. Seriously. Make sure you have the basics with you at all times - your stethoscope, your ophthalmoscope, your torch (ahem, Claudia), gloves, tongue depressors, etc.

When you go through your various rotations, especially in GEMP III and IV, you'll notice that some wards are better stocked than others and you will often have to make use of this fact. When you're in the Surgical pit (the wonderful name given to the Surgical Emergency department at Bara) you will notice a severe shortage in something. It's always different, you see. Today it will be black needles (which you'll soon learn is the most useful size needle with which to poke holes in people), tomorrow gauze. These commodities vary in availability. Now, I'm not saying you should steal supplies from well stocked wards around the corner to use on patients who are in dire need of it where you are working, I'm merely saying that people do it... Ahem...

Be resourceful, no matter where you are. Make use of what you have. Just clean it afterwards before handing it to you fiancé... Just saying.

Happy hunting!

1 comment:

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